but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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