Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
