omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
