Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
