sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
