I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
