It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
PANTIES FOUND
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
