I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
A bitchslap is in order.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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