Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
