She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
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