Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
