No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
drinking out of a sandbucket again
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
