My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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