We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Randomize
