i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
i think i have herpe
just one?
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
