like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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