you mean i was at the winter classic?
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
