UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
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