i always forget guys have bellybuttons
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
