apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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