thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
