Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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