You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
