I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
did i just pee glitter
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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