I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
