I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
