Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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