So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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