Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
