At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Randomize
