Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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