What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Randomize
