So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Randomize
