finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
