You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
