Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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