Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
The feeling are messing with the penis
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
