Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
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