Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
