We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
