hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
