Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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