I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
my shit smells like andre
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
