so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
