Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I lost the right to judge tonight
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
