You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
