I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
