It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
