dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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