best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
