He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
