if you like me you must not know who I am
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
