I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
