it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
handjob tips. give me some.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
