If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
