I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
