i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Enjoy the penises
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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