Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Randomize
