dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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